After much soul-searching and consultations with my banker, I've decided to win the lottery. Even with the punitive tax on winnings, we've determined that it can only help my current state.
Once I win, I plan to live out my life's dream. I'm moving to the Wood River valley and buying the biggest lot I can afford near the folks who have made it their cause de' jour to tie up the state and federal court systems in the Pacific Northwest. They file case after case and motion after motion with the stated goal of driving some of the best agrarians we have from their anscestral homes.
Unfortunately, my family has indicated that they will not be joining me in this quest; it was all hunky-dory until they figured out that my days would most likely be spent laying on lawn chairs in my underwear. Eating Cheetos and drinking mind-numbing amounts of Mountain Dew are a given.
My new motto will be WWCED 'what would Cousin Eddie do?'. I'm gonna be a GREAT neighbor. With my newly discovered fortune, I will embark on a daily mission to file lawsuits and injunctions aimed at preventing any one of these individuals from building so much as a bully-barn on their hyper-developed land. I want the Wood River and Silver Creek to be restored to their original stream beds, and all of the willows and riverbank vegetation removed for the building and landscaping of these monstrosities must be restored to pre-1950 conditions.
Hopefully some of these individuals will get a small taste of the frustration and difficulties that result from their juvenile tactics. I will spend the whole fortune in fulfilling my harassment duties; less an adequate budget for Cheetos, Mountain Dew, and wife-beater undershirts.
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