When a Race is More than a Race...

The runners loped down the wooded path and then made a hard right into the open.  It's the last 200 yards, so everybody kicks it up a notch and preens for the crowd.  They don't realize it, but this group is a little different.  In the back of the pack is a young strider who, even after 6 miles, is still enjoying every second of his time on the course.  He's having a great time, because for the last hour he has been truly free of the stress and anxiety that seem to be his constant shadow.

His parents, standing about 50 yards from the finish line, see him emerge from the trees and lift their cameras.   They soon lower them as the crowd starts to cheer.  Looking around for the object of the crowd's enthusiasm, these parents suddenly realize that everyone is cheering for their son; he's flying!  It's a footrace to the finish line, and his heads up, his stride long, and his look determined.  Belatedly they join in the cheers and urge him on; stopping only when he crosses the finish line in the lead.  His mother runs to find him and congratulate him, and his father turns away, needing to, as he says, 'get it together'.  As he walks away, someone in the crowd says, "That was awesome!".....  "Yes,.. he is." the father answers quietly as he utters a silent prayer of gratitude for scout leaders who introduced his son to running, teachers and coaches who understand the power of simple encouragement, and a bishop who cares.

With the staggered start, he wasn't really racing the others in his group; it's more of a race against the clock.  That didn't matter.  What mattered was that a young man heard the crowd and gained a glimpse of his potential.  

             

Dear Tea Partiers: Quality Counts!

After watching the Republican Party lose  races it should have won easily, I think it's high time some of us 'real' conservatives spoke up.  Here are a few pointers for future races:

1. A flake that believes the same things you do, is still a flake.  Don't encourage them.
2. Own your failures.  It is natural for us to look for outside reasons on why our children make lousy choices or become something we don't want.  Chances are it wasn't the result of something the government did or controlled.  It was probably the result of one of two things: either they had bad parents or are just stupid.
3. I'm tired of staring at the screen trying to mentally coach Sarah Palin on the answers to basic economic and foreign policy questions.  Find someone smarter.
4. You want limited government?  Great!  Start in your own home, your local school board, your city council, or your state legislature.  Some of the most 'conservative' people I have known have gotten onto the local school board and wanted to micro-manage every teacher's classroom.  You're constantly saying that you want the government to get out of the way and let you run your life; well the same should be true of the teacher in his/her classroom.  We can't demand accountability without granting authority.  

I don't want to pick on Tea Party members; some of my best friends are TPs.  I just want to remind you that many of us do not want conservatives dictating our personal lives any more than we wanted the liberals doing it.  Remember that a slave cares not who his master is, he only cares who provides the best porridge.

Scoutmaster

I stole the camp journal of my son's scout leader(John).  I thought it would provide insight into the mind of an obvious lunatic.  Who else but a crazy would volunteer to spend the week camping with a bunch of depraved 12 and 13 yr olds hopped up on 'ding dongs' and 'ho-hos'.  

day 1:
"Everything in great!  We are setting up camp and preparing for a week of living and learning in the wonderful wooded landscape of Island Park.... One small set-back; my 'back-up' leader discovered he had forgotten to pack any of his prescription 'liquid courage'.  The boys had to waste their first session of free time consoling him and convincing him not to go home.  I have decided to refer to him as 'Second-fiddle' from now on."  We went down to the lake to pass our swim test so that we could enjoy the water-front activities during the week; the boys did great.  They jumped into the 33 degree water and swam like the champions they are.  Second-fiddle fell in and did the dead man float across and back."

day 2:
"Hygiene is obviously going to be a problem;  I will nip this in the bud and make Second-fiddle the camp hygiene enforcement officer.  Some of the boys have already spent their craft money on overpriced pop and twinkies at the camp trading post (motto:  taking advantage of scouts since 1953).  Uh mm ... I just got downwind of Second-fiddle and now question his ability to be very effective as hygiene officer.  I will have to add this to my list of responsibilities, and continue the search for some way, aside from guarding the food box, in which Second-fiddle can contribute.  I am seeing some small erosion of my authority, but I'm sure it's nothing serious."

day 3:
"The whining is going to drive me nuts.  You would think Second-fiddle had never done dishes.  He tried to make dutch-oven cobbler last night, but only succeeded in serving up a lovely concoction of burnt cake mix and cherry pie filling.  I suspect that his camping credentials have been severely overstated.  The scouts could find the trading post in a blizzard, but lack the necessary motivation to locate a shower.  Boys are getting mouthy; I may be forced to kill one as an example."

day 4:
"My hands shake all the time now.  I find myself constantly wanting to choke the scouts.  Maybe a good long walk would help....  Nope, it didn't help.  I came across Second-fiddle napping under a tree during a time he should have been helping some of the boys earn merit badges.  The boys said he had been doing that all week.  Good news; I don't want to choke the scouts anymore."

day 5:
"I wanna go home." 

Good scout leaders are part therapist and part drill sergeant with just a touch of psychosis.  They are rare.  Thank you John.

Strange Bedfellows

I asked Two-son to go upstairs and wake up his older brother, One-son.  As is his custom with these menial tasks, Two-son decided there were three ways to complete the task:  the right way, the rude way, and the evil way.  He chose evil, (we're working on it, but 'evil' seems to be his default setting).  Before all the hollering and poking of Three-son could wake him, Two-son crawled in bed next to his loving older brother.  As One-son gained consciousness, he found himself looking into the eyes of his archnemisis.  "I slept with you all night.", Two-son sweetly told the alarmed sibling.  One-son lost it; "Get out! Get out now!".  He didn't say exactly how he felt about it, but we did catch him looking online for do-it-yourself fumigants.

I kind of wonder if the Republican Party will not feel the same way after this election cycle.  In an effort to 'ride the wave', they have crawled into bed with the Tea Party movement, and unfortunately have discovered some strange bedfellows.  In amongst some good, honest people are a gaggle of loons who have spent the better part of their lives looking for some place to put a voice to their lunacy.  The democrats found this with the Code-Pinkers and Move-On.org.  In the clear light of day, reasonable democrats felt as if their party had been taken over by wild-eyed zealots (motto: nationalizing private enterprise in a neighborhood near you).

If the republicans want to add longevity to their current momentum, they will co-opt the good ideas in the tea party movement and distance themselves from dumb ones.  It would profit them to remember the saying, "Stupid is stupid, no matter the source.".  

Why Worry About Mexico; the Irish Got in Through Canada

One hundred and sixty years ago, this country was being invaded by immigrants from a place where land ownership was uncommon and most production was consumed by punitive rents and the need to feed one's own family.  It was terrible, not only were they consumed with scurvy, they were catholic.  The blue-blooded protestants ranted and raved about how this changing demographic would destroy the country their ancestors had fought so hard to build.

As the British realized they could not handle the problem, they filled ships with as many Irish as could be squeezed below decks;  not really a problem, because by the voyage's halfway point enough would have died to allow the remaining passengers plenty of elbow room.  Once they arrived in US waters, they weren't allowed to disembark until they had fulfilled a month-long quarantine.  The bright side of this was that yellow fever would generally kill any who survived the trip.  Many ships were sent north to Canada where the provincial government had a designated Irish island to prevent them from infecting the population.  A person reading the opinion pages at the time would quickly have determined that the Irish would eat American children right after they molested them.  It was not a period where accuracy was a valued asset. 

In the thirty years following, these new citizens helped build the transcontinental railroad, fought the indians, and in large numbers were conscripted for the North in the War Between the States.  This American story is important for us to remember as we consider our part in the history being made now.

In attempting to solve the current immigration mess, we must first realize that it is three separate issues:  border crossing in pursuit of work, drug trafficking and the resultant cross-border violence, and the political issues in Mexico and the US which have prevented a rational discussion.

Solutions:

1. Triple the size of the H-2a program.  We are at a competiitve disadvantage to China, India, and any other country with an abundunt and inexpensive labor pool.
2. Then build the darn fence.  If we are letting enough in legally to satisfy our labor needs, we can shut off the cross-desert fun-run.
3. Don't ask our cops to exercise judgement on someone's legal status; let them run the license at traffic stops and if it's bogus, they can do the same thing they always do when a license is bogus.
4. Explain to Mexico that border-town bordellos and tequilla sales do not an economy make.  They must get serious about economic opportunity and reform, or the Uncle Sam foreign aid gravy-train will derail.
5. Effect a one-strike-your-out policy for felons.  Mexico would serve as a great penal colony for their citizens who come north and commit crimes.
6. Tie all social services to legal status; this would ease some of the costs border counties are bearing.  This is not a human rights issue;  no other country awards a social safety net to those overstaying their visa. 

This issue is complicated, but some common-sense actions would do wonders to quell the uprise in moronisity we are currently experiencing.  Let's welcome those who wish to work and contribute to society, and patently reject any who cannot follow our rules.

What Obama Could Learn From Bad Parents

A neighbor recently gave my two oldest an old Kawasaki Mule.  This utv has some problems, and they were told that it was theirs for the cost of fixing it.  They are thrilled.  Minus a few indian burns and cheap kidney punches, the two pugilists have worked nonstop on what they see as their ticket to freedom from an oppressive home environment.  Unfortunately, things went south on the latest test ride; it died on them in the middle of the horse pasture.  They did what the male of our species always does when faced with unexpected mechanical issues; they lifted the 'hood' and stared at the offending motor with absolutely no clue what to do.  After some intense staring and banging on various parts with an end-wrench failed to revive it, a determination was made to tow it home. 

Mr and Mrs Goodwrench, as I like to call them, came barging into the house demanding that I fulfill my role as father-figure and help them tow the offending vehicle home and fix it.  Sadly, they had come during my sacrosanct afternoon 'rest' period and there was nothing I could do.  Disappointed, they walked outside and did what any good delinquents would;  they 'borrowed' my 4-wheeler and did it themselves.  Some time later, they roared back into the driveway with the 7 yr old driving the tow vehicle and the 13 yr old screaming unheeded instructions from behind the wheel of the dead mule.  If I had gotten up off the couch to see it, I would have been proud.   My inherent laziness had given them an opportunity to develop problem-solving skills and the pride and confidence that comes from overcoming their own challenges.

Watching this got me thinking;  maybe Obama shouldn't try to be such a helpful parent....

President Obama and his band of merry men/women need to allow people to solve some of their own problems.  Government should provide those things that individuals cannot procure themselves: i.e. roads, property rights, military, etc.  Remember, a world without risk is a world without reward.   

'Burn Cop' Coming to a Neighborhood Near You.

This is a call to action!  All who read this post are now deputized into the 'Report Your Local Representative' action committee.  Watch your state representative or senator like a hawk; it is likely they are ignoring the very laws and regulations they expect us to live under.  "What is so terrible?", you ask.  I'll tell you.  In an effort to save North Idaho asthmatics, our ever wise elected officials have made it virtually impossible to get a burn permit to clean up a stubble field here in Southern Idaho (motto:  smoke is a welcome change from our normal airborne aroma).

To get a burn permit now, you must take a field burning safety course, file an application at least 30 days before you want to burn, and wait for the phone call by 11 am on the day you want to burn.  What a bunch of morons!!!  Field burning works best when the weather conditions cooperate to make it safe and manageable; these favorable conditions are impossible to tell 3 days in advance let alone 30. 

The best part:  fines start at 1800 to 2400 dollars, (with no warning) 

The solution:  we must blow the whistle on any state official (elected or otherwise) or their relatives who burn without a permit.  After the first couple of these geniuses pays a fine, maybe they'll think before they take a regionally necessary regulation and apply to the state as a whole. 

I was going to try and be funny, but I am too angry.  I'm dead serious about turning these folks in.  Maybe I will get a new personalized license plate: 'burncop'.  Maybe there'll be some sort of whistleblower payoff too.  Oh, sorry, I let my imagination run wild.  Happy hunting.

The ESA; Killing a Species Near You

A note to all junior high and high school science teachers; 'question everything'. For the last couple of decades, these humble destroyers of clear thinking have been telling our children that the Endangered Species Act saves the lives of those poor little flora and fauna standing on the brink. Recent research and honest studies have shown that the act has just the opposite effect; a result of perverse incentives which punish scientists and wildlife professionals for sucess.

Let me explain. How do the scientists and wildlifers fund their research and pet programs? Grants and more grants. When a species is sucessfully recovered and delisted, grants and program budgets are effectively cut in half; and yet, these same individuals would expect us to believe they are not slaves to the normal self-preservative motives we 'lay' folk are subject to. Why do you think those in this particular community fought wolf de-listing so hard?. A species recovered enough for delisting can be managed by the full-time personel of our state fish and game and no longer requires the throng of academics and free-lancers to count every bowel movement.

There is a simple solution for specieal recovery that doesn't threaten bankruptcy or jail time for any land owner unlucky enough to find an endangered whatnot on his property. This solution quite simply provides an economic reward for any landowner or operator who finds these species and then improves their respective numbers. I know we should do it out of the inherent goodness of our heart, but warm, fuzzy feelings do not feed the children. Imagine how quickly sage grouse would recover if ranchers received a $100 for every one counted during the annual census. In a very short time, the numbers would grow to the point that you would only pay for sage grouse counted from the road. You would, of course, have to restrict ranchers to their home on the night before the count. This would prevent any of the inevitable grouse-rustling as land-owners attempt to boost their numbers.

The ESA has been an abject failure at all endeavours outside of funding university wildlife departments. We owe the wildlife an apology for allowing pot-smoking, clipboard-toting grad students to stalk them for the last three and a half decades.

The afore-mentioned solution would work for any species of plant or animal. Landowners would be scouting their property on hands and knees looking for nests or breeding sites to protect. It is hard for congress to grasp such difficult concepts, especially since sucessfully recovered species do not motive misled urbanites to fund campaigns.

How Farmers Could Win the Drug War

Marijuana is too expensive. An acre of mellow sublimity could run you $300,000 wholesale; a reflection of inadequate production and transport difficulties. If the government was serious about reducing the profit incentive for criminal agrarians, they would do two things: 1) legalize pot production, sale, and consumption; 2) hand oversight of all marijuana production programs to the the Dept. of Agriculture.

Here's how it would play out. It would take a couple of years to ramp up production, so the farmers who get in on it early would realize terrific profits; but we soon would develop new equipment making large-scale production possible. The next thing we know, we're seeing semi-loads of 1 ton dope bales being hauled from farm to market. Within 5 years, wholesale prices would drop below the cost of production (app. $200/ton), and the next farm bill would include price floors and a govn't buyout provision for surplus production. This surplus could then be included in our foreign aid packages thereby solving our popularity problems in the third-world.

It's sad that we won't look at ways to effectively use government ineptitude for good.

Hurrah for Obama! He Finally Did Something I Can Cheer About

I've always distrusted those who 'fake-bake'. Idaho has 275 days a year of sunshine; put down the tofu crackers and walk outside. A commonly offered excuse is ,"I don't want to have a tanline from my swimsuit.". A little advice; if you're walking around in the daylight, buck-necked, a tanline is the least of your worries.

President Obama has recognized the threat these people pose to a healthy society and taken the steps necessary to protect us all. In the new health reform legislation, there is a new tax on tanning sessions (10%). Finally, fake-bakers will be paying their fair share; and we questioned how they could afford a ride for everyone on the Obama health-care train.

I wonder how long it will be before they label your favorite indulgence 'high-risk' and tax it to cover the costs associated with passing 'reform' legislation without codified cost controls. There is no free lunch and we must soon resign ourselves to significantly higher taxes and/or reductions in the quality and quantity of our health care.